Thursday, November 24, 2005
Monday, November 14, 2005
My own tidbits...Last thoughts
End of the Rainbow...good-bye
Friday, November 11, 2005
was I just chasing a dream?
how can something so beautiful be out of my reach?
I thought perhaps I meant something,
but it is not me your thinking of.
I have just come to realize I was just a stepping stone,
to ease your broken heart.
I've always stayed true to my heart, but I don't think I was a part of yours.
I feel you slipping away
right in front of my very eyes.
If I could just tell you everything,
the way you make me feel,
the way you make my eyes twinkle when I hear your voice
...it is a voice I don't hear often anymore.
I know I have been there for you
someone you can count on
in more ways than one
but perhaps I just was not good enough.
I was just not good enough...
Now at night I lay quietly and feel the tears running down my face
only to have my pillow soaked
thinking of what could've been, why have you gone?
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Tending the Garden
and sow the seeds of love.
Whatever your hearts desire
all life from the Lord above.
In my garden you will find
life, truth, happpiness, love...
everything out in the open,
nothing to fear, nothing to hide
everything unturned- rocks, stones
but especially in my garden, you will be home.
My garden needs tending,
it has been waiting for you.
so let us plant the seed
and watch the flower grow,
she flourishes beautifully
because it was planted with nothing but pure love...
so come into my garden, and sow the seeds of love.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Fantasy into Reality
I have been searching and searching
for that one elusive male
that would give me added delight
"I will rock your world" you say
let's make fantasy into reality.
I try to live them
to make it happen
right or wrong
with no regrets.
no should've, would've, could've.
many times I thought
"I just dont want anybody,"
"I want someone different, "
someone who is an integrated part of me.
maybe he is fearful
of the other world I can show him
where anything goes
and all insecurities are left at the door.
are you just my fantasy or
am I just your fantasy? NO.
Fantasy into reality.
I will keep searching for
my elusive male
I know I am not an' illusion within the illusion'
I am real,
and wherever you are
I hope you are too...
Monday, November 07, 2005
I must say, he is a very well-spoken and inspirational person. God did truly bless him with a fine gift. I love listening to him. His sermons get me through the week. I don't have any of his books like I do Billy Graham's, (another one of my spiritual favorites and a great crusader).
HHmmm... Perhaps I should put it on my Christmas list!
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Tylenol p.m. nights
This week I had been in soo much pain. I had my wisdom teeth removed (what? at this age?) (they have been bothering me for years off and on...)
and I will never go through that shit again. Give me childbirth any day. All that novacaine, tugging, pulling, and drilling. No wonder dentists are the worst feared doctors! I am tired of the soft foods, sore mouth, and swollen face. I don't think my jaws will ever be the same! Tylenol p.m. has become my new best friend!! I barely just discovered the world of sleep aids when my wisdom teeth started bothering me again. I have a high tolerance for pain, so I usually just dealt with the pain without medications. I know my body. So when I do take meds, it works! the dosage calls for 2 tablets at bedtime. I take 1/2 of one pill and I am knocked out!! If I took 2 tablets I would be out for 3 days!!! lol Thanks, tylenol p.m. for getting me to dreamland...
Monday, October 31, 2005
Who has my heart now?
Where have you gone dear one?
no longer around, just as I imagined,
now being invisible to me.
Am I not what you wanted?
I would gladly give you the world,
take everything, take all of me.
I thought you would always be here
just like you said,
but you are nowhere to be found.
I gave my heart so freely
time and time again
only to be pushed away, who has my heart now?
I am so vulnerable,
I have to tell you so.
I only wanted a simple "hello,"
"how are you today?"
I am "just fine" I would say with a smile.
because I know you were thinking of me,
just like I was thinking of you.
who has my heart now?
I am just too trusting with my heart,
always looking out, always asking,
always caring for you.
I hope I was a part of your life
if even just for a little bit,
but do know, you are a big part of mine.
Do you still want my heart?
because you will always be in mine...
her lover to something from Fredericks of Hollywood.
2. To give (someone or oneself) something pleasurable: treated
herself to a costume...
are you going to experience the fantasy?
Hhmm, let's see, what shall I be???
naughty school-girl or
devil or angel?
genie in a bottle
your princess... I will let you decide...so tell me:) Happy Haloween!
Sunday, October 30, 2005
One of my favorite songs...
I am sitting here listening to one of my favorite 'classical Italian Love' Songs CD.
When I listen to this, it takes me to another place, a place where I want to be.
It makes me feel good, uplifts my spirits, and I usually forget the things that are tugging
at my heart. I wish I knew what they were saying in Italian, but I think the music speaks for itself. sigh...
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
My gems of advice...
Mom's little gems of advice...
*Laugh! loud and often.
*Family is important. Don't ever forget that.
*Say your prayers. God does listen.
*Be kind and considerate. Treat people how you want to be treated.
*There is a difference between being 'confident' and being cocky.
*When you fail, get back up. You will learn more from your failures, more so than your successes.
*Ask questions if your not sure about something.
*Always be true to yourself. Nobody is perfect.
*Pursue knowledge. Justification for higher education! Try to learn new things.
*Respect your elders. (very important)
*Respect women (just as important)
*Trust yourself. Your gut instinct is usually right.
*Don't give into peer pressure...You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
*Choose a career path of something you enjoy and love.
*Keep your wit and charm.
*what comes around goes around.
*Take care of your body, and it will take care of you.
*enjoy your youth.
*variety is the spice of life...(open your mind and take a chance)
*It's fine to keep your pants zipped... (don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head)
*It's ok to cry and be emotional, no one will think less.
*You will know your soulmate the minute you look into her eyes.
*Don't settle for anything less.
*It's good to have fun, but spend your money wisely.
*volunteer your time. Give without expecting anything in return.
*Always know I love you.
*Enjoy today, because tommorow is never guaranteed... Love, mom
Sunday, October 23, 2005
A part of me
my sweet little honey,
I'm always here to protect you
by your side I will be.
Always got your back,
you know me.
What am I?
could I be both, I hope.
Sometimes can't have one without the other.
You will always be a part of me,
in my mind,
You're here with me.
Your the last thing I think about
before I close my eyes,
and also the first, when I rise.
I am there with you,
and you are here with me.
for now I kiss you goodnight...
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
In California where I live, we don't get to see much of the four seasons. We have a pretty steady temperature year round almost. Right now, I would say this is the "Indian Summer. " It was around 80 degrees yesterday! In the winter, it does get cold, but we're talking maybe 50 degrees or so. For some states, that is nothing! We're not shoveling snow in the driveways, getting snowed in ( oohh, that seems like fun!) Not too many storms, perhaps an earthquake here and there, but that's pretty much it. We're spoiled when it comes to climate. I think that's part of the price we pay of living out here!!! Unbelievable cost of property!!! I love all the seasons especially the snow! (LOve those snow angels!) Perhaps one day soon, I will live where I can see all the 4 seasons at its best...
Things I love in October.....
Halloween!!! one of my favorite holidays!! I think it is getting bigger every year amongst the adults! It's not just for kids anymore! I think it must be the role-playing! you can be anything you want...
seeing the children all dressed up with such excitement! (priceless...)
The pumpkin Patch! ( I love it!)
All the candy!!! I have a sweet tooth! especially taffy!
(Bad 80's) watching scary movies, lights out on the couch!!
smell of wood burning (get the fireplace on!!)
great colors...pruple, orange...black
craft faires- There is something special about homemade stuff...
Time to break out the scarves, hats, and gloves...
This is just a small list, it goes on...happy October to you!
Monday, October 17, 2005
i'm giving in...
when I saw you,
your face shining through
it hit me like a sunbeam.
inside and out,
i am crazy about,
the way you make my heart feel.
how did you know?
the way I felt about you?
longing to feel your kiss, your touch,
i am walking all lost,
your eyes, so mesmerizing,
your love, so bewitching,
from the depths of my soul
you leave me spellbound,
in your arms I will be...
Sunday, October 16, 2005
p.s. "we won't talk about the stock market and bonds in this post!" wtf is going on??
"Laughter is the only tranquilizer without any side effects!" anonymous
Friday, October 14, 2005
something I enjoyed looking at,
the fire and desire
of all there is to me.
It's light shining
for all to see,
Wondering if someone is looking for me.
How can you say the moon is not beautiful?
when it is the one thing we look at together.
when I look at moon and all it's beauty,
I think of you
and how beautiful you are to me.
In your eyes,
maybe I am just not beautiful to you...
Thursday, October 13, 2005
It started this year, and continues every so often. I don't know what triggers it, she just appears when she feels like it. I don't mind really. I am 'outnumbered' in my household. Even the dog is a male!! I have always dreamed of having a daughter, but I just learned to accept it was not going to happen in this lifetime, but perhaps the next.
I don't even know her name. A father or siblings is not revealed in the dream, either. She is just sitting at a park somewhere with my parents, my mom is fixing her hair which has little flowers in them. My mom talks to her and points at me. I am walking towards them. She has long dark hair, almost black, a light complexion, (I am darker-skinned) and big eyes like me. She is such a cutie! She must be around 3 or 4 years old. She is in an Easter dress of some sort and shoes. I can even remember her smile. I wake up some mornings with the sense of loss. Sometimes dreams can have such an impact...
A poem to the daughter I never had...
Where are you dear little one?
eyes of brown,
hair of black,
are you playing in the sand,
or picking flowers,
come to me,
as we walk hand in hand.
can I hear your voice?
or even hear you laugh.
just once I ask.
If you were here with me,
what fun we will have!
from egg hunts, to pumpkin patches,
even climbing trees.
It's so amazing how something so sweet
has come and rearranged my life,
I have been kissed by destiny.
Heaven has placed an angel at my feet.
But sweet little girl,
we cannot be together,
I cannot see me in you,
or you in me.
Not now, not this time.
So, until we meet again,
but hopefully in the next life
I will find you,
and you will be mine....... love, mom
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Your Hands...My Story
The way you caress my long golden-brown locks, and even pull them(we like it rough every now and then!)Those hands even find the way into my mouth as I gladly suck your fingers in and out. The touch of your fingertips down the nape of my neck, to my breasts-my nipples hardening already, then down the the curves of my back. Geezz, what I would give to have you here with me.
Those hands will definitely find its way home to my pussy. Your eyes closed now, smile on your face, sucking on your fingers. aaahh, you have found my fountain-of-youth!!
and are so ready to play in the water! My pussy is so wet just watching you. Your fingers circle around my box, touching it ever so lightly, I love the way you cup my pussy. Everything feels so right. You know just how I like it. Not to fast, not to slow. As your hands enter me, I can feel my pussy tightening around your fingers, my hips moving along in rhythm with your hands. My clit is hard as a rock now. You know this peach VERY well. You know when I cum because your beautiful hands are now soaked with my juices dripping everywhere. You taste me hungrily. My warm juice on your face, licking everywhere.
Those hands, that take me to the point of no return, those hands that are a perfect fit with mine, those hands that I love to hold, are home with me. Those hands belong to me. Those hands...when will I see again??
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Things that annoy me....
little annoyances...(based on my own experiences-in the swing scene as well as the real world.)
*all my hotties live far away....(I only have how many frequent flyer miles???)
*people who think bondage attire is just for halloween!
*The cost of lingerie and sexy outfits ( I never spent this much money on clothes before!)
*when my batteries die out on me:) (dammit, I was just in the middle of my orgasm...)
*when my dvd-laptop freezes up on me (oh well, I got Peter North's cum shots memorized!)
*girls who pole hog (c'mon, I can share)
*that most women won't throw their panties onstage to the band! (support your local bands people!!!)
*men I don't know who send me cock shot pics
*game players, whiners, or rude people
*Profiles (ads) of couples who only have HER pics up (there are 2 of you)
*single men who pose as a couple online
*couples that have jealousy issues in lifestyle events
*people who answer their phones in the middle of a date, dinner, or even sex!
*waiting in a red light when there is not any cars!!!
*bad customer service
*people who don't follow through with what they say (i.e, if you say your going to call...)
*people who don't leave tips even when they get excelllent service!
*putting away the laundry (blah, blah, blah...)
*reading the last page of a very good book:)
*being at a sexy 'vanilla' club knowing there isn't going to be an afterparty:(
*couples that don't let each other play (one plays and the other half can't...)
*waiting for that one letter, e-mail, or call that you just never got...
*putting gas in the car
*trying to find parking in the city
*bad television (wtf is up with all these reality shows????)
*no ketchup for my fries
well, these are just a few...nothing to drastic I hope. perhaps I should do a post of "Things that really piss me off!!! lol No, life is tooo short to give my attention to the negative energy....
so, what annoys you??? :)
Monday, October 03, 2005
Why I Write...my thoughts
Well, back to question...perhaps I will write more naughty stuff, but if you read some of my past posts, this blog is more about me personally. I really didn't intend this on being a Swing blog of some sort. It's ok with me if 7 people hit this site, or 70,000 like my other sites. It's ok with me.
I write because it's just my release. I also write so I can keep track of what the hell is going on in my life. How I feel at this place and time. This is more of the 'Romantic' side of me that I didn't know existed! I mean, Sex is Sex, yes, it is a good thing. I know what I am capable of doing in and out of the bedroom. I don't have to prove myself to anyone. I like to be remembered for who I am inside, not how I looked, dressed, etc... Sometimes, I write because I am lonely. Yes, we all get lonely at times.
I write because I just want to get some of my thoughts, dreams, fears, and maybe even fantasies out in the open. But for me, in this lifestyle, I am already living in the "moment" of the fantasy, (not living the fantasy) and that is the beauty of it. I mean just where will you ever see one girl having 4 cocks standing over her all at once?? or having a guy have his cock sucked by 5 different women because it was his birthday? I mean literally!!! That was one lucky guy! (and girl!) yes, it does happen! 4 or 5 years ago, I would've thought WTF? but now, BRING IT ON! SOME PEOPLE DO CHANGE! Because once an escapade is over, that's it... we are back to reality. Back to work, back to bills, back to life. And in those 'moments' I treasure. (we all love to have good sexual experiences but I wont lie, there have been ones I would rather forget!) That's why I tend to shy away from writing about them. The ones I keep, I keep close to my heart...but who knows???? you just might read something naughty soon...:)
Friday, September 30, 2005
When??? ...He Said
Separate lives, and worlds apart
time and distance
soon will tell
"I will always be here for you,
open up your heart
and let me in."
"When can I feel your lips on mine?"
and to touch the body I so desired,
When? he said. When?
sooner than the winds blow
and even the brightest of the full moon.
Just close your eyes
and I am just a thought away.
Do me this favor:
when you see the full moon
make a wish
and think of me
as I will be thinking of you
and we shall be looking at the moon together.
worlds apart, but just a thought away
and if tonight is all we have, then just stay...
when? will I see you again...
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Love Parade & Folsom St.Fair (leatherfest)
The parade in itself was beautiful. Thousands of people packed the streets. Lots of floats coming by. The difference of this parade were each float had dj's spinning music on each them, people dancing on the floats, and they even had tons of people following each float dancing to the music. They were people dancing on the streets(they encouraged it) wild and crazy costumes, dancing girls, nude or topless women wandering around even nude men got in the mix! I love it! I swear, only in San Fran will you ever see so much openness, diversity, and all the different lifestyles mixed into one. I was invited to a "My space" after party going on at some club that night, I didn't go, I am not a member of my space, and plus I had other plans. Here's a website that has some photos of the parade. www.freewebgallery.com/photoanvil I have my own as well and I will put a few up.
The "back to school party" went well. There must have been at least 400 couples there, not including the single women. I always have a good time, a place where women can wander around looking and dressing sexy and be safe without the usual drama and harrassment most women receive from single men of the regular club scence. Everybody's friendly, no one is shy to introduce themselves, you can let your guard down, and all the while play with women or men you connect with. (play meaning, sexy dancing, kissing, touching etc.. "THIS IS NOT A SEX CLUB" let me re-itterate that. You want to get together with people, take it back to your own after party in your room!!! My original costume was going to be the teacher. The "Head Mistress"!lol I had everything, the glasses, blazer, but my garter belt wouldn't snap to hold the thigh high stockings!! so, I went as a naughty schoolgirl. Braless fishnet top works just as good, I had no complaints:)
Sunday was the Folsom St. Fair.(leatherfest) This is my first year visiting this event. Of course we had to get in the mix and wear our leather also. If you weren't wearing some type of leather, you were the oddball. This was the perfect time to wear my leather pants with open buckles on the side and new leather corsett. (Trust me, by the time the day was done, I wish I was in my t-shirts and tennis shoes!) T-bone, a partner in crime, wore his thong and leather chaps, no shirt, and collar! He has a very nice ass and physique so he can get away with it.:) It was such a beautiful day... There were tons of booths, showing off the latest in leather goods. collars, corssetts, chains, sex toys, piercing booths, leather whips, masks, things for S&M, they had people getting spanked, tied up, for demonstrations, anything you could think of, it was there. There were couples walking aaround where the female had a leash connected to the males collared neck! Nice!! Even male and female porn stars giving a little show for you. There was one bit, a male porn star in his leather chaps and thong, gyrating grabbing his cock and fingering his ass and the whole crowd went nuts! I was a bit turned on myself!:)
There were people in costumes, people wearing hardly nothing at all, women going topless, and even some going completely nude. I seen one man walking around naked with just chains on his ankles! Of course there were the "vanilla" people gawking, taking pictures and saying "oh my god"did you see that??? Fucking bullshit!! Why the fuck are you there if you don't want to see that? Idiots!! AS you walked through the fair, you would catch kinky stuff going on to the side of the streets... there were blowjobs going on with f/m , fmf, mm, mmf, all kinds of play going on!!
I loved it! everybody so open. Like I said earlier, nothing like this beats San Fran.I tell you, this has been my tits galore weekend! Hooray for all the uninhibited people!!!! People just going about there business, wearing whatever the hell they want, the gay community doing there own thing, and you know what?? I love 'em. Because they just don't give a fuck what you think...
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Virtual love-A poem
or are you just a figment of my imagination?
hundreds to chose from
just want my one-in-a-million.
I've been alone inside myself
for far too long
I never wanted it that way, but I let it happen.
I read your words
as if your whispering in the wind
is it me your thinking of, or another?
when I close my eyes, I still can see your smile
bright enough to light up my life
where are you now...
What I would give, just to see you.
to see you with my very eyes
to put that voice with the face
I even heard cry.
To feel the hands that write into my heart,
get out of my head,
and into my bed
and tonight love will assume its place.
It's funny how from the simple things,
the best things begin.
Please believe it's true, when I tell you
I love you
for one day soon, I will come for you
my virtual love...
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Along the coastal highway
wind blowing in our faces,
no meetings, no agenda
answer to no one, but ourselves.
Stopping at every little diner
to find the best clam chowder,
buying those silly little t-shirts
sending postcards along the way.
Star-gazing, flower smelling,
Just you and me
on this journey we call life.
What a great time we will have
for all to see.
My best- friend, mate,
Thursday, September 15, 2005
The simple things that count
I find now that it is taking me a little longer to do my route. As I am getting to know
my clients, they are establishing trust with me. Now when I deliver, one question, stems to 4 or 5! and we end up just talking away. Actually they talk, and I listen. Which is fine by me. I think about them and how lonely they are. Sometimes no one to talk to at all. Most live by themselves, or there families are far away, or too sick to even get out of the house. I have one client, little old lady with a nasal cannula attached to her O2 tanks, waiting for me at her door. As I brought her meal tray to her, she had given me a bag of starbucks coffee."This is for you." I was almost in tears. She told me, she doesn't go to the store too often, but when she did she thought of me and bought me the bag. I know these people are on fixed incomes... This is what it's all about. The simple things. I did not volunteer for any monetary gain, or "what's in it for me" mentality.
This is a different kind of reward. If I can just make a little difference in someones life, then my soul is happy with that. There is no greater reward than the gift of giving. But I think they have given to me more, and I know that it is ALWAYS the little things that matter most...
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
naughty or nice???
*we both know love doesn't JUST happen, we create it...whatever it may be...
*Near or far, your always in my heart.
*Let me know when I come to you at dawn-for your early morning tryst.
*tell me when your feeling red-hot and sexy...
*Soon, I will snatch you into a dark corner, hallway, or stairs, and kiss you until your very soul is on fire.
*When you want me to take control, tell me and I will lead you to places you've never been before.
*Only you can teach me what I don't know about you, is there any little tricks you want me to know? guide my hands wherever you want.
*Heightened senses, be totally turned on without being touched at all.
*What do you want from me? what do you need? ask and I will do for you.
*You have permission to venture in my closet and pick out something sexy for me to wear.
*You have unawakened depths of passion, is there something new you want to try?
*The way you look, the corners of your eyes when you smile, your touch, if I can't wait, I will tell you "I want you now."
*Even when were not together, we have a mental connection, call me anytime to hear me say, "I love you."
*No one knows the glow I feel when you call me, I concentrate on only you, and nothing else.
*Do you trust me? let's try something wild and daring.
*Sometimes, some fantasies are best kept to ourselves, but tell me one and we'll do it.
*Let me know when you want me to shower your neck with kisses.
*Ask me, and I will reveal ONE secret desire I never told anyone.
*There's always more to know about me, my love, so let's spend the whole day in bed uncovering our secrets. :)
so which are you? naughty ? or nice?? All of the above :)
Monday, September 12, 2005
There was a couple sitting next to me, actually she was SITTING on his lap, mind you, she had to be at least 5'10" so her legs were kind of in my space, and now my legs were shifting off to my left. I was a little annoyed. They kept making out, moving around, etc. I was like "are you here to see the fucking Eagles or are you here to make out?" Damn, get a room!" Talk about "Hotel California!" you know, I am all for romance but c'mon! Fuck, I didn't pay 95 bucks for a ticket to hear slurping sounds and have my legs go to sleep!" ssshhhheeesss. and these people had to be in there mid 30's or so! Hey, I'm all for getting naughty and wild, but sometimes there is a place for everything. I felt sorry for the people sitting behind them! ok, ok, enough about my rant and rave, I can get a little sarcastic sometimes but just with a little witty side...:)
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Keeper of my Heart
awaken, my dear
shed no more tears,
no more lonely nights,
all the pain soon forgotten
the keeper of my heart.
you couldn't wait to love me,
I've always dreamed to find the perfect lover.
we learned to laugh
to live again
the keeper of my heart.
who am I?
I meant to tell,
what will be,
no one knows.
if I lived a thousand years
I never could explain
how I lost my heart to you that night-
the keeper of my heart...
Friday, September 02, 2005
This is me...
Here are some of MY thoughts regarding my personality...(mind you, personality can be a mixture of things: spiritual, mental, sexual, as we are all evolving continually, this is me at this moment in time...)
When I am in new situations, I usually don't open up right away. Sometimes it can get misconstructed in the wrong way as being stuck up, which is so wrong but it just takes me a little while to warm up. Actually, once I'm in my comfort zone, I will talk your ear off and ask you a million questions, and if I bug you, just tell me! when I am with someone, friends or playmates I like to talk 'till the sun comes up, usually about everything or nothing at all! If you ever ask for my opinion, I will give you the best advice from my own experiences, even if it does not agree with your feelings. I respect your opinions as well. I hold no punches with you. I will not sugar-coat anything. Trust and honesty are what makes relationships work. More than ever, I am here to support your decisions-even if its a bad (or good) one!
When people connect, I love the positve energy it brings. I think the people close to you should complement and bring out the best in each other. When I see something that catches my eye, I am one who loves to give out compliments. I mean I say them where I see fit. If everyone said one thing nice to someone, even a complete stranger, the world would be a better place!
Aside from being quiet, I think I'm just as confident in a more conservative or reserved manner. I like to sit back at times and just analyze the whole situation. (whatever it may be) I look around, hear things, take in the scent, ( I like to use all my senses!) and I can be comfortable in any social setting. For me, I think there is a delicate balance to all things in life. From simplicity (to me, its the small things that count) to the finest things in life. Don't get me wrong. I, like most people, would love the freedom to do as we please, buy whatever your hearts desire, but I think true happiness does not lie in materialistic things, but what makes your heart sing. I try and live for the moment, the "here and now, " but also think about the comfort of the future. I know when something is on my mind, be it making me happy or sad, I usually lose sleep over it. But I will just laugh about it( I love to laugh) sometimes too loud, but laugh with my eyes as well as my heart!
I am one who loves to work, not a workaholic per say, but try and make the most of what I do. I always think you can work hard, but play harder, or better yet, work smarter. Aside from work, I like and do have my own interests. I think everyone should. I am very particular to my own space and solitude and respect others for there own as well. I always stress the need for people to find there own "me time"! There's nothing like doing what you love most and bringing your ideas, thoughts, and perspectives to the table to share with one another. This is what I find encouraging to each other. You help each other along in one's own interests, to manifest, to grow as individuals as well as together. That is a mutual decision people both make. It is a give and take. (but sometimes more people take than give! or even have 2 captains in the ship! or Too many chiefs, not enough indians!) I don't like however when people become to needy or too dependent on you. I know the difference between being needed and being smothered! I do admit, I am sometimes needy emotionally!!
I am one who is not into drama or games. The only games I play are in the bedroom :) yes, I am more on the submissive side, but can be dominant as well. A little role-playing never hurt anyone! I have become more open-minded now than I have ever been. How did this happen? well, slowly but surely, I have been emerging and am finally coming out of my shell. After years and years of being " The Librarian" I am willing to be a chance-taker, try new things, remove myself from my comfort zone, and just see what is out there. Once you are in my circle, I will trust you, find you inspiring and adore you, because you are not like anyone I have met.... your truly a rare gem...
So this is just a little bit of me, nothing spectacular, just the truth...:)
Thursday, September 01, 2005
21 suggestions for success
I keep this framed plaque standing on my kitchen window. I always read it when I am doing the dishes along with thinking about other things as well. These are great suggestions to apply to yourself. I feel there is always room for improvement as we try and better ourselves. Perhaps we have some of our own little suggestions for success as well. Sometimes we keep to them, sometimes we don't, but I think that is the learning proccess in itself...
- Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery. (His most important suggestion. I think if your miserable, these other suggestion will be hard to fall into place...)
- Work at something you enjoy and that's worthy of your time and talent.
- Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
- Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
- Be forgiving of yourself and others.
- Be generous.
- Have a greateful heart.
- Persistence, persistence, persistence.
- Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary. (I'm trying, really...!)
- Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
- Commit yourself to constant improvement.
- Commit yourself to quality.
- Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect. (very true)
- Be loyal.
- Be honest.
- Be a self-starter.
- Be deciscive even if it means you'll sometimes be wrong.
- Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.
- Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did. ( I love the chance-takers)
- Take good care of those you love.
- Don't do anything that wouldn't make your mom proud. (hhmmm, they don't need to know EVERYTHING!:)
Saturday, August 20, 2005
I am back
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
gone for awhile...
Right now however, as much as I love writing for me, and for you, I have lost that inspiration and motivation like I once had in the beginning. It feels like "Jane looking for her Tarzan." And yes, I am sad about it. I was always so eager. I don't know what makes people change, or feel the way we do. I guess its just evolving. I still have so much to say. I'm hoping wherever that spark is it will find me once again to inspire me to write. until then... take care. luv, C
Friday, July 29, 2005
- F**k you in the mornings, and then let you sleep late on the weekends ( after a hot evening, of course!)
- breakfast and paper (ok, you can have the crossword section) in bed...anything you want for dessert?:)
- bake your favorite cookies
- cook a nice juicy steak, everything heats up in the kitchen!
- have a nice plush towel ready for you to wrap yourself in after a hot shower, or perhaps I can join you?
- give you a quick call on the phone, (day or night) or e-mail, just to say, "thinking of you"or better yet "let's f**k!"
- grab you from behind and wrap my arms around your waist (my favorite)
- fix your tie/cufflinks for you
- greet you at the door naked with nothing but high heels and your tie on...
- luv to give you love notes with my lipstick imprinted on it
- put my panties in your coat pocket, or send them to you wherever you are...:)
- find you in a crowded room, hold your gaze, and know your the only one there...
- naked twister (right leg on blue!)
- let you win on jeopardy..lol
- say "I love you" for no reason at all
- wake up and decide to spend the day together WITHOUT an itinerary
- Just get into the car and drive, anywhere...
- surprise you to a bed and breakfast (all expenses paid!)
- let us watch really bad tv!...together
- have a picnic lunch with you in the middle of the week, even if theres only a park bench or a tiny patch of grass
- getting really, really, dressed up for a night on the town with you (any outfit, your choice-underwear optional!)
- finding a real "hole in the wall" joint with the best food we ever tasted
- forget the umbrella...let's get rained on!
- I love to take pics...so smile! :)
- communicate, communicate. I don't like to go to bed upset, I need a calm spirit, so let's talk.
- let you enjoy your OWN space. I respect your solitude...
- I love movies, so surprise me or I will surprise you with tix!
- help you wash your car, and I'll even let you get my t-shirt wet:)
- great sense of humor always gets me horny, so have at it :)
- have an awesome pillow fight and then ruffle the bed sheets afterwards:)
- accept my/your past (we all have regrets, things we wish we would've done differently, but we cannot go back in time. The past is what makes us who we are today...
- LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE...NO EXCEPTIONS!
Must love dogs...
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
the city, the church, and his old soul...
Anyhow, I enjoyed the silence and solitude around me,(sometimes you need it!) bought a glass pillar candle and lit it, said prayers as well as giving thanks for everything and everyone that has touched my life, near or far...
Saturday, July 23, 2005
somewhere in time....
I really enjoyed "somewhere in time", I remember buying the vhs used copy at holllywood video about a month ago, there were tons of used movies for sale, I had picked out a few already and I remeber walking around and this one copy was just sitting there like it was calling me to purchase it! One question about the movie that struck a cord is when Mr. Reeve asks his former teacher "is time travel possible?" I've often wondered about that. Can it actually happen? I mean really? Take for instance people in comas. I often think of my brother the last 5 years of his life, in a coma. (collasped playing raquetball at age 21-never woke up) I mean, WHERE was he?? or WHEN was he?
I mean his body was there physically, but it was not him. I often thought, and even some of his friends back then asked me, "Do you think he's reliving his life?" and I said " Maybe he is."
perhaps he is just "browsing through time." who knows really anything anymore. I know I think about all of it even to this day. I think some questions aren't meant to be answered in this lifetime...
I love the part when they see each other for the first time and she asks him " is it you?" There is so much intensity in that scene! I love it! Who knows about past lives. Sometimes I have these different feelings, and random thoughts out of nowhere, that don't even pertain to my existence right now. Things that are just so mysterious to me, that I have no control of. HHHmmm...,
Thursday, July 21, 2005
for you-our story
Friday, July 15, 2005
Love from your biggest fan and cheerleader...
well, here it is as promised. And you know I always keep my promises! My writing is not as good as yours, but i think i'm improving. I've taken a liking to your site from day one. I just want to say thanks for having such a creative writing style. So much passion and desire I hardly see anymore. We both know there are some people that may disagree with the things we put up, but you know, we have no control over what people say or do. (and i'm always in your corner:) Because of your writing, it has inspired me to start up this blog!! For so long I have my kept inner thoughts, dreams, feelings, in the back-stage of my mind. Now I have reason to let it escape! There is to many things going on all around us not to journal it. These momentos are like love letters, you just want to read them over and over and re-create the feeling of nostalgia. This is our escape, writing. ( Well, that's if we don't have our nose in a book or something!) our comfort "safe" zone. Here is where we are happy to let our little minds wander and drift off sometimes to fantasy land. Where desires flow deep and time itself means nothing...So this is for you, and thank you for MY stories as well. Perhaps if we don't have our noses in books, they will definitely be in each others crotches :)! I sometimes say, Love can move mountains, but it is just as fragile as newly budded flowers...luv from one dreamer to another p.s. theres a few promises you and I still need to collect on..:)
Meals on wheels
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Romantic places i would love to visit someday...
- ITALY (anywhere would be beautiful. ) In Venice, I would love to take a gondola ride on a beautiful day with you. There is so much history, culture, and the people! So much zest, and they're always looking good!!!( Some of my memorable escapades were with italians-UNBELIEVABLE, and i'm still smiling!) I fell in love with Tuscany seeing it in the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane. such beautiful landscapes. I would love to Dine "al fresco (translated: "in the fresh air") in the warm weather, theres something remarkable about how good food tastes when your outdoors! Te amo...
- PARIS To me, the whole of Paris is romantic! It's known to be the most beautiful city in the world! I can just imagine! To view the River Siene, Notre Dame, and of course the Eiffel Tower. I would luv to kiss you under (or on the very top ) of the Eiffel tower. So romantic. I am sure tons of people got engaged/married around the area. Je' taime
- MAGICAL MADRID A magnificent testimony to its rich past! Madrid is one of the best cities in the world for art lovers. I would love to visit one of there famous museums, THE PRADO, and see some of the best collection of spanish art by the likes of Murillo, velasquez, and Goya. Madrid, Spain- a city that has a rhtym all its own, A pulse so vibrant and vital like the beat of flamenco music! Makes me want to get up and start latin dancing! And how about those bullfights?? There is something sexy about it. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because your trying to dominate the bull! Makes me feel like taking you to a back alley during a fight, and taking your "bull by the horns!":) aye papi.. O'le!!
- NEW YORK CITY last but certainly not the least! I think when I get off that plane I will have my knee pads on and my mattress attached to my back and say " hello handsome, mama's home!!! " lol This has got to be my all time favorite here in the U.S. I can't believe I haven't even made it out there yet. I had done Las vegas 7 times in one year, and I don't know why I didn't cut some of those Vegas trips and do NYC. I am hoping to see it this year. I think NYC is by far one of the romantic cities around. A lot of movies I love were filmed out there.. Sleepless in seattle (i have to see the top of the Empire state building) Serendipity with John Cusack just to name a few. But what I would love to see is Central park. I think it is so magical throughout the year. I mean just to see it during all four seasons has got to be amazing. I would love to take a horse-and-carriage ride with you in the park. such an epitome of romance! and then have lunch on Tavern on the Green! I hear that place is very beautiful. The Conservatory Garden, museums, art galleries during the day, and the hot spots at night!! I am so ready to get some of that "east coast swing"! :) (and I don't mean dancing!!) Until then, keep your pants on....:)
"Romance helps keeps our lives in perspective. when you make time for romance, your
saying that you choose love. Jobs, friends, material possessions may come and go, but
romance can be there for you always. It's a constant-and what matters most."
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Monday, July 11, 2005
THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY/SMILE(UPDATED-NO ORDER)
(THIS IS ME IN A NUTSHELL.. MEMORY LOSS IS COMING FAST!! YIKES!!)
- smell of fresh rain
- people with positive energy
- live-music makers
- hot pizza
- sushi bars
- mint/chocalate chip ice cream
- reminiscing my youth (things were much simpler then...)
- viewing old photo albums-pictures
- Doves (are a symbol of love and fidelity)
- ballroom dancing-salsa/latin music
- playing poker (i'm all in!!)
- yelling at bad calls at sporting events, esp. baseball-boxing( that's half the fun!)
- cotton candy
- warm, fresh bread
- wine,+ coolers, Kamikaze
- watching movies
- staying in bed (reading paper with you)
- anything italian (food, music, clothes, men)
- books, books, books! ( I love to read and be read to!)
- The city
- walks in the park, beach
- picnics (eating..luv to eat!)
- a newborns scent -baby things (I just luv em!)
- fountains-waterfalls (sounds of water running)
- kids playing in puddles (even myself)
- older people (so much wisdom-history)
- flea markets/bazzaars, shopping
- cultural events
- cleaning (yes, it's therapuetic for me!)
- great sex + nice orgasm
- THINGS I FIND SEXY:
- naked bodies
- watching a man sleep
- pillow fights
- chivalry ( is it gone? I hope not...)
- garter belts/g-strings/fishnet/corsets
- a mans hands
- bubble baths/showers together
- beautiful smile
- well-dressed man/woman
- a soft kiss with a little tounge
- victories as well as defeats
- love notes/poems/letters
- a motivated person
- morning fucks
- great smelling man
- laughing ( if you can make me laugh, your in!)
- decent conversation ( sooo hard to find with people)
- a little chest hair
- kissing the neck/nibbling on earlobes
- ABOUT ME:
- loyal-keep promise
- luv to travel
- not very computer literate:(
- submissive (can be dominant in the right situation)
- dreamer-deep thinker
- hopeless romantic (cry at weddings-dammit I can't help it!)
- gift-giver (luv to spoil!)
- kind soul (emotional)
- love animals
- mother-figure/luv kids
- ticklish/silly, silly, silly!
- BIG Scooby-Doo and gang fan!
- goal-oriented/ hard worker
- believe in KARMA (what comes around, goes around)
- I do not mind to spend $$ on you
- shy at first...
- luv to laugh, laugh, laugh
- spiritual ( God, #1 in my life)
- family oriented-believe in good values
- not into drama, games, flakes
- good friend/listener
- touchy/ feely
- luv books! I DO! ( did I say that already?!)
- big eyes/ long legs/ nice feet!
- always smell nice (I luv this one!)
- nice hooters :)
- AND ALWAYS STRIVING TO BE A BETTER PERSON...
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Friday, July 08, 2005
Here is an e-mail someone sent me. I luv it whoever wrote it.... 1. The most destructive habit......worry 2. The greatest joy.............giving 3. The greatest loss....loss of self-respect 4. The most satisfying work...........helping others 5. The ugliest personality trait..........selfishness 6. The most endangered species.............Dedicated leaders 7. Our greatest natural resourse.........our youth 8. The greatest "shot in the arm" .......encouragement 9. The greatest problem to overcome.......................fear 10. The most effective sleeping pill......................Peace of mind(i love this one) 11. The most crippling failure................Excuses 12. The most powerful force in life...................Love 13. The most dangerous pariah...................a gossiper 14. The world most incredible computer.................the brain 15. The worst thing to be without......................hope 16. The deadliest weapon..........the tongue 17. The two most power-filled words............."I can" 18. The greatest asset............faith 19. The most worthless emotion...........self-pity 20. The most beautiful attire..............smile! 21. The most prized possesion...........Integrity 22. The most powerful channnel of communication..............prayer 23. the most contagious spirit..........enthusiasm