just a thought...

It's not always about the sex, it's about the mind as well...:)

My own tidbits...Last thoughts

I am a bit of a nerd. I love my glasses as well as my contacts. I'm usually interested in a persons 2nd layer, not their looks. Parents/family are my backbone. All my cars are stick-shift:) I love crappy 80's movies. I believe in meaningful coincidences... I try not to do anything I 'll regret the next day! I can't stand know-it alls! annoying!! I eat out at least 5 times a week, ok maybe 6. I can carry a conversation with a total stranger. I think I am confident, without being arrogant (big difference). I value integrity and authenticity. I still turn heads at almost 38...(how old?) Love jeans/t-shirt as well as dressing up. Not into crude humor at others expense (not cool). I Love to sit through movie credits :) I am more laid-back and just go with the flow. I am usually true to my word, and try not to assume and take things personally. I may 'look' high-maintenence, but I am not. (that's the beauty of it:) Always trying to learn new things. I am confortable with who I am now. I think I am a socially liberated person- hey, live and let live-(whatever floats your boat!) we are works in progress!! Is the glass half empty or half full??? Sometimes I will laugh out loud from something I remembered in the past. I can be happy and nervous and confortable all at the same time. I don't do pantyhose, and sometimes no underwear as well:) I am good after a couple of cocktail...yea, a cheap date!! Loyal and kind, my favorite....

End of the Rainbow...good-bye

As much as I loved writing, and how much this blog means to me, after much consideration, I have decided to end this. Something I don't want to do, but feel I must do. I started with so much inspiration, motivation and even passion, but it is something that has left me, ( I thought it would always be here) just like a piece of my heart. I knew I was always fragile. Things tugg at my heart so easy. My very own downfall. This blog has become an intergrated part of me. Alot of things on here I never knew existed in me. I know this blog was more of the softer side of me, the real me. but who wants to know about that? I mean who gives a fuck about what I find sexy, what inspires me, or what matters in my head or heart? No one really. I have no one to write for. As long as I know about myself, I guess that's all that matters now. If you want to know something about me, just ask. I know some of you wanted to read about more of the illicit stuff, things that are out of the norm, and with that a new blog is being born. Carmela, my alter ego, my wilder side, my evil twin, who is a part of me as well will take you there. There you will find just 'exactly' what I think, see, feel, and do in this lifestyle (swingers) as well as my own personal thoughts regarding the real world or whatever. NO HOLDS BARR. You wanted it, you got it...

Thank you for reading and for all the great mail, suggestions, and even pics:)

So I say good-bye now with a heavy heart...but who knows if by chance that passion, that missing piece of my heart, happens to find and inspire me again and re-enter my life, so be it...

All my love, Carmela

p.s. I will be putting up my last few post that were in the works.

Broken hearts...

So many days and nights I spent wondering
was I just chasing a dream?
how can something so beautiful be out of my reach?
I thought perhaps I meant something,
but it is not me your thinking of.
I have just come to realize I was just a stepping stone,
to ease your broken heart.
I've always stayed true to my heart, but I don't think I was a part of yours.
I feel you slipping away
right in front of my very eyes.
If I could just tell you everything,
the way you make me feel,
the way you make my eyes twinkle when I hear your voice
...it is a voice I don't hear often anymore.
I know I have been there for you
someone you can count on
in more ways than one
but perhaps I just was not good enough.
I was just not good enough...
Now at night I lay quietly and feel the tears running down my face
broken heart,
only to have my pillow soaked
thinking of what could've been, why have you gone?

Tending the Garden

Come into my garden, my dear
and sow the seeds of love.
Whatever your hearts desire
all life from the Lord above.


In my garden you will find
life, truth, happpiness, love...
everything out in the open,
nothing to fear, nothing to hide
everything unturned- rocks, stones
but especially in my garden, you will be home.

My garden needs tending,
it has been waiting for you.
so let us plant the seed
and watch the flower grow,
she flourishes beautifully
because it was planted with nothing but pure love...
so come into my garden, and sow the seeds of love.

Fantasy into Reality

I knew it was so
I have been searching and searching
for that one elusive male
that would give me added delight
"I will rock your world" you say
let's make fantasy into reality.

I try to live them
to make it happen
right or wrong
with no regrets.
no should've, would've, could've.
many times I thought
"I just dont want anybody,"
"I want someone different, "
someone who is an integrated part of me.
maybe he is fearful
of the other world I can show him
where anything goes
and all insecurities are left at the door.

are you just my fantasy or
am I just your fantasy? NO.
Fantasy into reality.
I will keep searching for
my elusive male
I know I am not an' illusion within the illusion'
I am real,
and wherever you are
I hope you are too...

Joel Osteen

I was watching his sermon last night. The topic was" Keeping your heart pure." #284
I must say, he is a very well-spoken and inspirational person. God did truly bless him with a fine gift. I love listening to him. His sermons get me through the week. I don't have any of his books like I do Billy Graham's, (another one of my spiritual favorites and a great crusader).
HHmmm... Perhaps I should put it on my Christmas list!

Tylenol p.m. nights

Well, Halloween came and went. I had a pretty quiet weekend, I just loved passing out the candy to the little children. Sometimes, I wish I were young again...

This week I had been in soo much pain. I had my wisdom teeth removed (what? at this age?) (they have been bothering me for years off and on...)
and I will never go through that shit again. Give me childbirth any day. All that novacaine, tugging, pulling, and drilling. No wonder dentists are the worst feared doctors! I am tired of the soft foods, sore mouth, and swollen face. I don't think my jaws will ever be the same! Tylenol p.m. has become my new best friend!! I barely just discovered the world of sleep aids when my wisdom teeth started bothering me again. I have a high tolerance for pain, so I usually just dealt with the pain without medications. I know my body. So when I do take meds, it works! the dosage calls for 2 tablets at bedtime. I take 1/2 of one pill and I am knocked out!! If I took 2 tablets I would be out for 3 days!!! lol Thanks, tylenol p.m. for getting me to dreamland...

Who has my heart now?

Who has my heart now?
Where have you gone dear one?
no longer around, just as I imagined,
now being invisible to me.
Am I not what you wanted?
I would gladly give you the world,
take everything, take all of me.
I thought you would always be here
just like you said,
but you are nowhere to be found.

I gave my heart so freely
time and time again
only to be pushed away, who has my heart now?
I am so vulnerable,
I have to tell you so.

I only wanted a simple "hello,"
"how are you today?"
I am "just fine" I would say with a smile.
because I know you were thinking of me,
just like I was thinking of you.
who has my heart now?

I am just too trusting with my heart,
always looking out, always asking,
always caring for you.
I hope I was a part of your life
if even just for a little bit,
but do know, you are a big part of mine.
Do you still want my heart?
because you will always be in mine...

Trick-or-Treat

TREAT; 1. to provide with food, entertainment, or gifts; treated
her lover to something from Fredericks of Hollywood.
2. To give (someone or oneself) something pleasurable: treated
herself to a costume...
are you going to experience the fantasy?
Hhmm, let's see, what shall I be???

nurse feel-good
mystery madam
harem slave
sultry streetwalker
naughty school-girl or
head mistress...
devil or angel?
coy kitty-kat
volumptuous vampire
genie in a bottle
G.I. Jane
sexy copp
your princess... I will let you decide...so tell me:) Happy Haloween!

Nessun Dorma

(None shall sleep)...by PUCCCINI~Turandot
One of my favorite songs...

I am sitting here listening to one of my favorite 'classical Italian Love' Songs CD.
When I listen to this, it takes me to another place, a place where I want to be.
It makes me feel good, uplifts my spirits, and I usually forget the things that are tugging
at my heart. I wish I knew what they were saying in Italian, but I think the music speaks for itself. sigh...

Gone

I will be gone for awhile. Reading and writing for me has become much too painful...

My gems of advice...

These are just some words of wisdom I try to pass on to my sons. I know things are much different now for kids growing up than it was for me in my generation! I may be 'open-minded' now, but I am still old- fashioned when it comes to the basics! As my sons are getting older(one will be flying the coop soon!) I just hope I have been the best mother that I could be, and what I have instilled in them they will use it to the best of their ability as they venture out into the world as young gentlemen...

Mom's little gems of advice...

*Laugh! loud and often.
*Family is important. Don't ever forget that.
*Say your prayers. God does listen.
*Be kind and considerate. Treat people how you want to be treated.
*There is a difference between being 'confident' and being cocky.
*When you fail, get back up. You will learn more from your failures, more so than your successes.
*Ask questions if your not sure about something.
*Always be true to yourself. Nobody is perfect.
*Pursue knowledge. Justification for higher education! Try to learn new things.
*Respect your elders. (very important)
*Respect women (just as important)
*Trust yourself. Your gut instinct is usually right.
*Don't give into peer pressure...You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
*Choose a career path of something you enjoy and love.
*Keep your wit and charm.
*what comes around goes around.
*Take care of your body, and it will take care of you.
*enjoy your youth.
*variety is the spice of life...(open your mind and take a chance)
*It's fine to keep your pants zipped... (don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head)
*It's ok to cry and be emotional, no one will think less.
*You will know your soulmate the minute you look into her eyes.
*Don't settle for anything less.
*It's good to have fun, but spend your money wisely.
*volunteer your time. Give without expecting anything in return.
*Always know I love you.

*Enjoy today, because tommorow is never guaranteed... Love, mom

A part of me

You will always be a part of me,
my sweet little honey,
I'm always here to protect you
by your side I will be.
Always got your back,
you know me.

What am I?
a friend?
a lover?
could I be both, I hope.
Sometimes can't have one without the other.

You will always be a part of me,
in my mind,
my heart,
and soul.
You're here with me.

Your the last thing I think about
before I close my eyes,
and also the first, when I rise.
I am there with you,
and you are here with me.

for now I kiss you goodnight...

Octoberfest

I love October. Next to February, it has got to be one of my favorite months! I just love everything about it. The autumn colored leaves- oranges, golds, yellow, brown all over the ground. You can practically hear them crunch as you walk on them. I always think of kids running and jumping through the piles of leaves, throwing them up in the air. I would do that myself if there were leaves all over the place where I live!! I think I would have to go to Vermont or New England to see the colored leaves!!!
In California where I live, we don't get to see much of the four seasons. We have a pretty steady temperature year round almost. Right now, I would say this is the "Indian Summer. " It was around 80 degrees yesterday! In the winter, it does get cold, but we're talking maybe 50 degrees or so. For some states, that is nothing! We're not shoveling snow in the driveways, getting snowed in ( oohh, that seems like fun!) Not too many storms, perhaps an earthquake here and there, but that's pretty much it. We're spoiled when it comes to climate. I think that's part of the price we pay of living out here!!! Unbelievable cost of property!!! I love all the seasons especially the snow! (LOve those snow angels!) Perhaps one day soon, I will live where I can see all the 4 seasons at its best...

Things I love in October.....

Halloween!!! one of my favorite holidays!! I think it is getting bigger every year amongst the adults! It's not just for kids anymore! I think it must be the role-playing! you can be anything you want...

seeing the children all dressed up with such excitement! (priceless...)
Cool-crisp air
Apple cider
The pumpkin Patch! ( I love it!)
All the candy!!! I have a sweet tooth! especially taffy!
(Bad 80's) watching scary movies, lights out on the couch!!
smell of wood burning (get the fireplace on!!)
great colors...pruple, orange...black
craft faires- There is something special about homemade stuff...
carving pumpkins
full moons
Time to break out the scarves, hats, and gloves...

This is just a small list, it goes on...happy October to you!

Spellbound

I'm in a daze, i'm in your spell,
i'm giving in...
when I saw you,
your face shining through
it hit me like a sunbeam.

inside and out,
i am crazy about,
the way you make my heart feel.
how did you know?
the way I felt about you?
longing to feel your kiss, your touch,
i am walking all lost,
without you.

your eyes, so mesmerizing,
your love, so bewitching,
from the depths of my soul
you leave me spellbound,
in your arms I will be...

Forbes...

I found this quote while reading in Forbes. com. Yes, I do read other things besides Hustler and Playgirl!! LOL. I loved it so of course I had to put it up and share it with you. hehe
p.s. "we won't talk about the stock market and bonds in this post!" wtf is going on??

"Laughter is the only tranquilizer without any side effects!" anonymous

The moon

The Moon...
something I enjoyed looking at,
daydreaming, thinking...
the fire and desire
of all there is to me.
It's light shining
for all to see,
Wondering if someone is looking for me.
How can you say the moon is not beautiful?
when it is the one thing we look at together.
when I look at moon and all it's beauty,
I think of you
and how beautiful you are to me.
In your eyes,
maybe I am just not beautiful to you...

Dear Daughter...

For some time now I have been having reoccuring dreams of a daughter that I don't even have.
It started this year, and continues every so often. I don't know what triggers it, she just appears when she feels like it. I don't mind really. I am 'outnumbered' in my household. Even the dog is a male!! I have always dreamed of having a daughter, but I just learned to accept it was not going to happen in this lifetime, but perhaps the next.

I don't even know her name. A father or siblings is not revealed in the dream, either. She is just sitting at a park somewhere with my parents, my mom is fixing her hair which has little flowers in them. My mom talks to her and points at me. I am walking towards them. She has long dark hair, almost black, a light complexion, (I am darker-skinned) and big eyes like me. She is such a cutie! She must be around 3 or 4 years old. She is in an Easter dress of some sort and shoes. I can even remember her smile. I wake up some mornings with the sense of loss. Sometimes dreams can have such an impact...

A poem to the daughter I never had...

Where are you dear little one?
eyes of brown,
hair of black,
are you playing in the sand,
or picking flowers,
come to me,
as we walk hand in hand.

can I hear your voice?
or even hear you laugh.
just once I ask.

If you were here with me,
what fun we will have!
from egg hunts, to pumpkin patches,
even climbing trees.

It's so amazing how something so sweet
has come and rearranged my life,
I have been kissed by destiny.
Heaven has placed an angel at my feet.

But sweet little girl,
we cannot be together,
I cannot see me in you,
or you in me.
Not now, not this time.
So, until we meet again,
but hopefully in the next life
I will find you,
and you will be mine....... love, mom

Your Hands...My Story

As I lay here naked in bed thinking about all the conversations we've had, from my love of Ladybugs, and drinking rainwater from flower petals,( aahhh, the simple things).... I think your beginning to know me like the back of your hand...and beautiful hands they are! You know I find hands sooo sexy in a man. Nice hands of course. So soft to the touch, yet strong enough to hold me, nice trimmed nails, and just the right amount of hair on them. You know how much I just love to hold them wherever we go. But most of all, they fit perfectly into mine. Yes, the hands that drive me wild with desire. You could love me with your just hands and I would be happy.
The way you caress my long golden-brown locks, and even pull them(we like it rough every now and then!)Those hands even find the way into my mouth as I gladly suck your fingers in and out. The touch of your fingertips down the nape of my neck, to my breasts-my nipples hardening already, then down the the curves of my back. Geezz, what I would give to have you here with me.
Those hands will definitely find its way home to my pussy. Your eyes closed now, smile on your face, sucking on your fingers. aaahh, you have found my fountain-of-youth!!
and are so ready to play in the water! My pussy is so wet just watching you. Your fingers circle around my box, touching it ever so lightly, I love the way you cup my pussy. Everything feels so right. You know just how I like it. Not to fast, not to slow. As your hands enter me, I can feel my pussy tightening around your fingers, my hips moving along in rhythm with your hands. My clit is hard as a rock now. You know this peach VERY well. You know when I cum because your beautiful hands are now soaked with my juices dripping everywhere. You taste me hungrily. My warm juice on your face, licking everywhere.
Those hands, that take me to the point of no return, those hands that are a perfect fit with mine, those hands that I love to hold, are home with me. Those hands belong to me. Those hands...when will I see again??

Things that annoy me....

Well, i guess it's only fair that if I can write about things that make me happy or horny, I should write about the things that annoy me as well. We all have them, search deeeep within yourself and you just may find out there is more than we care to realize!!! Yikes!!! Like positive things in life, there are the negative. But hopefully we can meet that delicate balance in life so we don't let the bad overtake the good...and perhaps someday we can all look back and laugh and say"what the fuck was I thinking of back then???" lol

little annoyances...(based on my own experiences-in the swing scene as well as the real world.)

*all my hotties live far away....(I only have how many frequent flyer miles???)
*people who think bondage attire is just for halloween!
*The cost of lingerie and sexy outfits ( I never spent this much money on clothes before!)
*when my batteries die out on me:) (dammit, I was just in the middle of my orgasm...)
*when my dvd-laptop freezes up on me (oh well, I got Peter North's cum shots memorized!)
*girls who pole hog (c'mon, I can share)
*that most women won't throw their panties onstage to the band! (support your local bands people!!!)
*men I don't know who send me cock shot pics
*game players, whiners, or rude people
*Profiles (ads) of couples who only have HER pics up (there are 2 of you)
*single men who pose as a couple online
*couples that have jealousy issues in lifestyle events
*people who answer their phones in the middle of a date, dinner, or even sex!
*waiting in a red light when there is not any cars!!!
*bad customer service
*people who don't follow through with what they say (i.e, if you say your going to call...)
*people who don't leave tips even when they get excelllent service!
*putting away the laundry (blah, blah, blah...)
*reading the last page of a very good book:)
*being at a sexy 'vanilla' club knowing there isn't going to be an afterparty:(
*couples that don't let each other play (one plays and the other half can't...)
*waiting for that one letter, e-mail, or call that you just never got...
*missed connections
*putting gas in the car
*trying to find parking in the city
*bad television (wtf is up with all these reality shows????)
*no ketchup for my fries

well, these are just a few...nothing to drastic I hope. perhaps I should do a post of "Things that really piss me off!!! lol No, life is tooo short to give my attention to the negative energy....

so, what annoys you??? :)

Why I Write...my thoughts

I know I've been asked by some of you, some people that I know, and some that I have never met, or just happen to send me an e-mail from other 'adult' swing web sites that I am on, why I don't write too much naughty stuff? yes, I do agree with you. People want to read the sexy stuff! I even love to read the sexy stuff! Let's face it...SEX SELLS. I know there are alot of blogs related to "swinging adventures" or "sex diaries" etc...(who knows, perhaps one is mine anonymously!:) that are just to juicy to read! I mean were not perverts of some sort. Were just more open and uninhibited than the majority. I think people are so enthralled and allured by the whole idea of the kinkyness and just being plain naughty with other people besides your mate! Mind you, the whole swinging idea is not one of deceit, eveything is pretty much open on the table and consenting!! I mean, who wants to read escapades about you and your spouse? ( or other) no one really. They want to read the details that's "out of the norm." Whether or not you agree with this swinging lifestyle, that's your business...
Well, back to question...perhaps I will write more naughty stuff, but if you read some of my past posts, this blog is more about me personally. I really didn't intend this on being a Swing blog of some sort. It's ok with me if 7 people hit this site, or 70,000 like my other sites. It's ok with me.
I write because it's just my release. I also write so I can keep track of what the hell is going on in my life. How I feel at this place and time. This is more of the 'Romantic' side of me that I didn't know existed! I mean, Sex is Sex, yes, it is a good thing. I know what I am capable of doing in and out of the bedroom. I don't have to prove myself to anyone. I like to be remembered for who I am inside, not how I looked, dressed, etc... Sometimes, I write because I am lonely. Yes, we all get lonely at times.
I write because I just want to get some of my thoughts, dreams, fears, and maybe even fantasies out in the open. But for me, in this lifestyle, I am already living in the "moment" of the fantasy, (not living the fantasy) and that is the beauty of it. I mean just where will you ever see one girl having 4 cocks standing over her all at once?? or having a guy have his cock sucked by 5 different women because it was his birthday? I mean literally!!! That was one lucky guy! (and girl!) yes, it does happen! 4 or 5 years ago, I would've thought WTF? but now, BRING IT ON! SOME PEOPLE DO CHANGE! Because once an escapade is over, that's it... we are back to reality. Back to work, back to bills, back to life. And in those 'moments' I treasure. (we all love to have good sexual experiences but I wont lie, there have been ones I would rather forget!) That's why I tend to shy away from writing about them. The ones I keep, I keep close to my heart...but who knows???? you just might read something naughty soon...:)

When??? ...He Said

"anytime", I replied.
Separate lives, and worlds apart
time and distance
soon will tell
"I will always be here for you,
open up your heart
and let me in."

"When can I feel your lips on mine?"
and to touch the body I so desired,
When? he said. When?

sooner than the winds blow
and even the brightest of the full moon.
Just close your eyes
and I am just a thought away.

Do me this favor:
when you see the full moon
make a wish
and think of me
as I will be thinking of you
and we shall be looking at the moon together.

worlds apart, but just a thought away
and if tonight is all we have, then just stay...

when? will I see you again...

Love Parade & Folsom St.Fair (leatherfest)

This passed weekend was the annual Love parade. My hotel was right on the street where they came by which was good, because I wasn't about to go driving around trying to find the parade! I didn't even know there was some parade and Love fest going on. I originally came for A sexy "Back to School Party" dance party and then the Folsom St. Fair(leatherfest) on sunday.

The parade in itself was beautiful. Thousands of people packed the streets. Lots of floats coming by. The difference of this parade were each float had dj's spinning music on each them, people dancing on the floats, and they even had tons of people following each float dancing to the music. They were people dancing on the streets(they encouraged it) wild and crazy costumes, dancing girls, nude or topless women wandering around even nude men got in the mix! I love it! I swear, only in San Fran will you ever see so much openness, diversity, and all the different lifestyles mixed into one. I was invited to a "My space" after party going on at some club that night, I didn't go, I am not a member of my space, and plus I had other plans. Here's a website that has some photos of the parade. www.freewebgallery.com/photoanvil I have my own as well and I will put a few up.

The "back to school party" went well. There must have been at least 400 couples there, not including the single women. I always have a good time, a place where women can wander around looking and dressing sexy and be safe without the usual drama and harrassment most women receive from single men of the regular club scence. Everybody's friendly, no one is shy to introduce themselves, you can let your guard down, and all the while play with women or men you connect with. (play meaning, sexy dancing, kissing, touching etc.. "THIS IS NOT A SEX CLUB" let me re-itterate that. You want to get together with people, take it back to your own after party in your room!!! My original costume was going to be the teacher. The "Head Mistress"!lol I had everything, the glasses, blazer, but my garter belt wouldn't snap to hold the thigh high stockings!! so, I went as a naughty schoolgirl. Braless fishnet top works just as good, I had no complaints:)

Sunday was the Folsom St. Fair.(leatherfest) This is my first year visiting this event. Of course we had to get in the mix and wear our leather also. If you weren't wearing some type of leather, you were the oddball. This was the perfect time to wear my leather pants with open buckles on the side and new leather corsett. (Trust me, by the time the day was done, I wish I was in my t-shirts and tennis shoes!) T-bone, a partner in crime, wore his thong and leather chaps, no shirt, and collar! He has a very nice ass and physique so he can get away with it.:) It was such a beautiful day... There were tons of booths, showing off the latest in leather goods. collars, corssetts, chains, sex toys, piercing booths, leather whips, masks, things for S&M, they had people getting spanked, tied up, for demonstrations, anything you could think of, it was there. There were couples walking aaround where the female had a leash connected to the males collared neck! Nice!! Even male and female porn stars giving a little show for you. There was one bit, a male porn star in his leather chaps and thong, gyrating grabbing his cock and fingering his ass and the whole crowd went nuts! I was a bit turned on myself!:)
There were people in costumes, people wearing hardly nothing at all, women going topless, and even some going completely nude. I seen one man walking around naked with just chains on his ankles! Of course there were the "vanilla" people gawking, taking pictures and saying "oh my god"did you see that??? Fucking bullshit!! Why the fuck are you there if you don't want to see that? Idiots!! AS you walked through the fair, you would catch kinky stuff going on to the side of the streets... there were blowjobs going on with f/m , fmf, mm, mmf, all kinds of play going on!!
I loved it! everybody so open. Like I said earlier, nothing like this beats San Fran.I tell you, this has been my tits galore weekend! Hooray for all the uninhibited people!!!! People just going about there business, wearing whatever the hell they want, the gay community doing there own thing, and you know what?? I love 'em. Because they just don't give a fuck what you think...

Virtual love-A poem

Virtual love, do you really exist?
or are you just a figment of my imagination?
hundreds to chose from
just want my one-in-a-million.
I've been alone inside myself
for far too long
I never wanted it that way, but I let it happen.
I read your words
as if your whispering in the wind
is it me your thinking of, or another?
when I close my eyes, I still can see your smile
bright enough to light up my life
where are you now...
What I would give, just to see you.
Just once,
to see you with my very eyes
to put that voice with the face
I even heard cry.
To feel the hands that write into my heart,
get out of my head,
and into my bed
and tonight love will assume its place.
It's funny how from the simple things,
the best things begin.
Please believe it's true, when I tell you
I love you
for one day soon, I will come for you
my virtual love...

Picture This...

You and I on our journey.
Along the coastal highway
Top down
wind blowing in our faces,
stereo blasting
no meetings, no agenda
answer to no one, but ourselves.
Stopping at every little diner
to find the best clam chowder,
buying those silly little t-shirts
sending postcards along the way.
Star-gazing, flower smelling,
seashell-collecting.
Just you and me
on this journey we call life.
What a great time we will have
for all to see.
My best- friend, mate,
my one-in-a-million...

The simple things that count

I volunteer weekly for our local aliance on aging. Meals on Wheels. I wrote something about this on one of my past post. I find that now I am looking forward to my Wednesday deliveries! There is one volunteer I see every week. Her name is "Aida." Such a beautiful woman, with so much zest, and charisma. You see, she is 92 years old! Yes, 92! and still driving and delivering her meals! I swear, you would've thought she was in her 60's. Most of us don't even make it to our 60's and 70's without being sick! She is still sharp as a tack, mind you. Still so physical, alert, and fast! When we see each other we talk about how we both like to go to the casino and play cards, traveling. She is such an inspiration. I hope when I am im my 90's I have everything working upstairs, (as well as downstairs) and look just as good as she does:)

I find now that it is taking me a little longer to do my route. As I am getting to know
my clients, they are establishing trust with me. Now when I deliver, one question, stems to 4 or 5! and we end up just talking away. Actually they talk, and I listen. Which is fine by me. I think about them and how lonely they are. Sometimes no one to talk to at all. Most live by themselves, or there families are far away, or too sick to even get out of the house. I have one client, little old lady with a nasal cannula attached to her O2 tanks, waiting for me at her door. As I brought her meal tray to her, she had given me a bag of starbucks coffee."This is for you." I was almost in tears. She told me, she doesn't go to the store too often, but when she did she thought of me and bought me the bag. I know these people are on fixed incomes... This is what it's all about. The simple things. I did not volunteer for any monetary gain, or "what's in it for me" mentality.
This is a different kind of reward. If I can just make a little difference in someones life, then my soul is happy with that. There is no greater reward than the gift of giving. But I think they have given to me more, and I know that it is ALWAYS the little things that matter most...

naughty or nice???

*we both know love doesn't JUST happen, we create it...whatever it may be...

*Near or far, your always in my heart.

*Let me know when I come to you at dawn-for your early morning tryst.

*tell me when your feeling red-hot and sexy...

*Soon, I will snatch you into a dark corner, hallway, or stairs, and kiss you until your very soul is on fire.

*When you want me to take control, tell me and I will lead you to places you've never been before.

*Only you can teach me what I don't know about you, is there any little tricks you want me to know? guide my hands wherever you want.

*Heightened senses, be totally turned on without being touched at all.

*What do you want from me? what do you need? ask and I will do for you.

*You have permission to venture in my closet and pick out something sexy for me to wear.

*You have unawakened depths of passion, is there something new you want to try?

*The way you look, the corners of your eyes when you smile, your touch, if I can't wait, I will tell you "I want you now."

*Even when were not together, we have a mental connection, call me anytime to hear me say, "I love you."

*No one knows the glow I feel when you call me, I concentrate on only you, and nothing else.

*Do you trust me? let's try something wild and daring.

*Sometimes, some fantasies are best kept to ourselves, but tell me one and we'll do it.

*Let me know when you want me to shower your neck with kisses.

*Ask me, and I will reveal ONE secret desire I never told anyone.

*There's always more to know about me, my love, so let's spend the whole day in bed uncovering our secrets. :)

so which are you? naughty ? or nice?? All of the above :)

back online

well after about a month or so of hodge-podging, I have my laptop up and running again. I was so tired of using the desk top computer which is soooo slow. I am still in the dinosaur age with dial up as well!! Zoinks!! Dell Computers came by and replaced all my hardware, (thank god I bought the warranty!!) everything except the screen and keyboard! unfortunately after only about a week, then the software on my computer took a dump on me. Dell said I had to reinstall the programs, and in doing so, I ended losing all my files, pictures, etc...(no, I didn't have a back-up) I still don't know what happened. but oh well, I try and not sweat the small stuff! I'm just glad I got it fixed. Now I have time to create more posts on my blog, more e-baying, god that site is sooo addicting, more time for monkey business...:)

The Eagles

The Eagles came to my hometown not too long ago for a concert. Since I live in a smaller town, this was such a big deal! Nothing too much goes on around here. For you younger kids, The Eagles are a huge rock n' roll band from the 70's! Yes, the 70's!I love Barbra streisand, Donna Summer,The Carpenters, Disco... Such a great decade! The concert was outdoors at the stadium and there must have been around 20,000 people. I seen all age groups from younger teens to people in there 60's and 70's which was awesome. They sang all there number one hits and then some. Hearing them live was unbelievable. They sound just as good, like I remember them as a young girl. Gosh, it brought back so many memories of my youth, my family, and parents, just remembering how young they were. Everything seemed so much simpler then. It was such a cloudy evening, not cold however. I remember at times during the concert, I would be be looking up at the sky, hoping the clouds would go away and see the stars and make a wish. The stars never came. The only ones I seen were the ones onstage and that was ok by me...

There was a couple sitting next to me, actually she was SITTING on his lap, mind you, she had to be at least 5'10" so her legs were kind of in my space, and now my legs were shifting off to my left. I was a little annoyed. They kept making out, moving around, etc. I was like "are you here to see the fucking Eagles or are you here to make out?" Damn, get a room!" Talk about "Hotel California!" you know, I am all for romance but c'mon! Fuck, I didn't pay 95 bucks for a ticket to hear slurping sounds and have my legs go to sleep!" ssshhhheeesss. and these people had to be in there mid 30's or so! Hey, I'm all for getting naughty and wild, but sometimes there is a place for everything. I felt sorry for the people sitting behind them! ok, ok, enough about my rant and rave, I can get a little sarcastic sometimes but just with a little witty side...:)

Keeper of my Heart

Is your heart asleep?
awaken, my dear
shed no more tears,
no more lonely nights,
all the pain soon forgotten
the keeper of my heart.

you couldn't wait to love me,
so patient,
so kind,
I've always dreamed to find the perfect lover.
we learned to laugh
to live again
the keeper of my heart.

who am I?
I meant to tell,
what will be,
no one knows.

if I lived a thousand years
I never could explain
how I lost my heart to you that night-
the keeper of my heart...

A pic- I luv leather:)

This is me...

A single friend of mine recently asked me, " What is it that YOU would look for in a mate?" I looked at her for awhile, all her 37 years, a beautiful, independent creature still trying to find love. I said "well, it depends what your looking for!!" lol. I had told her, "Enjoy your singleness. It is God's will for your time to grow into the woman he wants you to be. So use this time as your opportunity to reflect, expand, and broaden your horizons, so when the time comes you will be everything a wife is supposed to be." We sat quietly for awhile. I looked her in the eyes seriously now and said, to answer your question, "I would look for someone like me." On my way home and even that evening I thought about that question. Just who exactly am I? what makes me different or even the same as the next person? I mean, I know what my favorite color is, what ice cream I like, what I like and don't like in the sack, but who am I personality wise?

Here are some of MY thoughts regarding my personality...(mind you, personality can be a mixture of things: spiritual, mental, sexual, as we are all evolving continually, this is me at this moment in time...)

When I am in new situations, I usually don't open up right away. Sometimes it can get misconstructed in the wrong way as being stuck up, which is so wrong but it just takes me a little while to warm up. Actually, once I'm in my comfort zone, I will talk your ear off and ask you a million questions, and if I bug you, just tell me! when I am with someone, friends or playmates I like to talk 'till the sun comes up, usually about everything or nothing at all! If you ever ask for my opinion, I will give you the best advice from my own experiences, even if it does not agree with your feelings. I respect your opinions as well. I hold no punches with you. I will not sugar-coat anything. Trust and honesty are what makes relationships work. More than ever, I am here to support your decisions-even if its a bad (or good) one!
When people connect, I love the positve energy it brings. I think the people close to you should complement and bring out the best in each other. When I see something that catches my eye, I am one who loves to give out compliments. I mean I say them where I see fit. If everyone said one thing nice to someone, even a complete stranger, the world would be a better place!
Aside from being quiet, I think I'm just as confident in a more conservative or reserved manner. I like to sit back at times and just analyze the whole situation. (whatever it may be) I look around, hear things, take in the scent, ( I like to use all my senses!) and I can be comfortable in any social setting. For me, I think there is a delicate balance to all things in life. From simplicity (to me, its the small things that count) to the finest things in life. Don't get me wrong. I, like most people, would love the freedom to do as we please, buy whatever your hearts desire, but I think true happiness does not lie in materialistic things, but what makes your heart sing. I try and live for the moment, the "here and now, " but also think about the comfort of the future. I know when something is on my mind, be it making me happy or sad, I usually lose sleep over it. But I will just laugh about it( I love to laugh) sometimes too loud, but laugh with my eyes as well as my heart!
I am one who loves to work, not a workaholic per say, but try and make the most of what I do. I always think you can work hard, but play harder, or better yet, work smarter. Aside from work, I like and do have my own interests. I think everyone should. I am very particular to my own space and solitude and respect others for there own as well. I always stress the need for people to find there own "me time"! There's nothing like doing what you love most and bringing your ideas, thoughts, and perspectives to the table to share with one another. This is what I find encouraging to each other. You help each other along in one's own interests, to manifest, to grow as individuals as well as together. That is a mutual decision people both make. It is a give and take. (but sometimes more people take than give! or even have 2 captains in the ship! or Too many chiefs, not enough indians!) I don't like however when people become to needy or too dependent on you. I know the difference between being needed and being smothered! I do admit, I am sometimes needy emotionally!!
I am one who is not into drama or games. The only games I play are in the bedroom :) yes, I am more on the submissive side, but can be dominant as well. A little role-playing never hurt anyone! I have become more open-minded now than I have ever been. How did this happen? well, slowly but surely, I have been emerging and am finally coming out of my shell. After years and years of being " The Librarian" I am willing to be a chance-taker, try new things, remove myself from my comfort zone, and just see what is out there. Once you are in my circle, I will trust you, find you inspiring and adore you, because you are not like anyone I have met.... your truly a rare gem...

So this is just a little bit of me, nothing spectacular, just the truth...:)

21 suggestions for success

by Jackson Brown, Jr.

I keep this framed plaque standing on my kitchen window. I always read it when I am doing the dishes along with thinking about other things as well. These are great suggestions to apply to yourself. I feel there is always room for improvement as we try and better ourselves. Perhaps we have some of our own little suggestions for success as well. Sometimes we keep to them, sometimes we don't, but I think that is the learning proccess in itself...

1. Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery. (His most important suggestion. I think if your miserable, these other suggestion will be hard to fall into place...)
2. Work at something you enjoy and that's worthy of your time and talent.
3. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
5. Be forgiving of yourself and others.
6. Be generous.
7. Have a greateful heart.
8. Persistence, persistence, persistence.
9. Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary. (I'm trying, really...!)
10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
11. Commit yourself to constant improvement.
12. Commit yourself to quality.
13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect. (very true)
14. Be loyal.
15. Be honest.
16. Be a self-starter.
17. Be deciscive even if it means you'll sometimes be wrong.
18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.
19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did. ( I love the chance-takers)
20. Take good care of those you love.
21. Don't do anything that wouldn't make your mom proud. (hhmmm, they don't need to know EVERYTHING!:)

I am back

well, after a short little break, I have found out that it is hard to stay away from the things you love. May it be passions, hobbies, or even people (but hopefully the people you are passionate about complement you, not complain and have all these expectations!!!) I love to think, dream, read, and write. Sometimes I think I have my "head in the clouds" too much! This is who I am, and if I cannot enjoy some of the things I love most, then I am not living for me. I always try to stay motivated and inspired but sometimes "life" gets in the way. I feel like theres is not enough time in the day: to clean, cook, teach etc. and I am being owned by the creditors, banks, paying my monthly mortgage let alone all the other expenses! then I will jump right back on my feet again and think "what the f**K?" who gives a shit? This will be my situation (for now) just like most people till the end of time!! I mean, sure, ideally we would all love to retire at a young age, own our home (and not ever be in the mercy of the banks) travel and get into adult Monkey Business, but thats ideally. Thats like trying to find a needle in a haystack, or think "I have the perfect life mentality!" Bullshit! It just doesn't happen for the MAJORITY of us- not in this reality. (not saying it can't happen however, some people believe they have the perfect life- are they happy?) So, after my little dry season and chutzpah,( luv that word!) I will continue to write even if I have to "ignite" myself to do so! Thanks and missed you...

gone for awhile...

thanks for the comments about my blog from people who are on some of my other sites. I know perhaps you may have wanted to read about some wild romps, but I did mention that this blog was about me, my feelings/thoughts, romance. If it were all about sexual encounters, I would've named this blogs "Carmela's Sexcapades" or "Jane loves Dick!" lol.
Right now however, as much as I love writing for me, and for you, I have lost that inspiration and motivation like I once had in the beginning. It feels like "Jane looking for her Tarzan." And yes, I am sad about it. I was always so eager. I don't know what makes people change, or feel the way we do. I guess its just evolving. I still have so much to say. I'm hoping wherever that spark is it will find me once again to inspire me to write. until then... take care. luv, C

spoiling you...

More things I would luv to do with you... (updated) I didn't know this side of me existed!

• F**k you in the mornings, and then let you sleep late on the weekends ( after a hot evening, of course!)
• breakfast and paper (ok, you can have the crossword section) in bed...anything you want for dessert?:)
• bake your favorite cookies
• cook a nice juicy steak, everything heats up in the kitchen!
• have a nice plush towel ready for you to wrap yourself in after a hot shower, or perhaps I can join you?
• give you a quick call on the phone, (day or night) or e-mail, just to say, "thinking of you"or better yet "let's f**k!"
• grab you from behind and wrap my arms around your waist (my favorite)
• fix your tie/cufflinks for you
• greet you at the door naked with nothing but high heels and your tie on...
• luv to give you love notes with my lipstick imprinted on it
• put my panties in your coat pocket, or send them to you wherever you are...:)
• find you in a crowded room, hold your gaze, and know your the only one there...
• naked twister (right leg on blue!)
• let you win on jeopardy..lol
• say "I love you" for no reason at all
• wake up and decide to spend the day together WITHOUT an itinerary
• Just get into the car and drive, anywhere...
• surprise you to a bed and breakfast (all expenses paid!)
• let us watch really bad tv!...together
• have a picnic lunch with you in the middle of the week, even if theres only a park bench or a tiny patch of grass
• getting really, really, dressed up for a night on the town with you (any outfit, your choice-underwear optional!)
• finding a real "hole in the wall" joint with the best food we ever tasted
• forget the umbrella...let's get rained on!
• I love to take pics...so smile! :)
• communicate, communicate. I don't like to go to bed upset, I need a calm spirit, so let's talk.
• let you enjoy your OWN space. I respect your solitude...
• I love movies, so surprise me or I will surprise you with tix!
• help you wash your car, and I'll even let you get my t-shirt wet:)
• great sense of humor always gets me horny, so have at it :)
• have an awesome pillow fight and then ruffle the bed sheets afterwards:)
• accept my/your past (we all have regrets, things we wish we would've done differently, but we cannot go back in time. The past is what makes us who we are today...
• LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE...NO EXCEPTIONS!

Must love dogs...

I do. I do. I do!!! My favorite friend in the whole world!
Always there to give me luv. No complaints, no drama,
and does not chew on my shoes!!!

compromise

As a realationship grows, so does your capacity for romance. I think romance is addictive! It makes us feel like we're on top of the world. As time goes by, I like to think of the memories made and cherished moments. but alas, it does take work. Nothing is ever easy. You need to make a sustained effort to stay connected and work out your differences, and to make things new and interesting. I am saddened when couples just "don't do the work." They may be great people as individuals, but as a unit, they suck! It is usually "my way or the highway." And it just doesn't work like that. Compromise, Compromise, Compromise. There is a happy medium. But most aren't willing to sacrifice. Don't get me wrong, I have had my share, but for me, in areas in my life, ( whatever they may be) I'm in it for the long haul, and not just for fun and games. I like to reflect on where I've been, where I am now, and where I am going to be with you...

the city, the church, and his old soul...

This passed weekend I went to the city, and I just loved it. I stayed by Union Square, so of course there was tons of shopping, eating, people walking (and sleeping!) all over the place. Theres nothing like being in the heart of it all. The one highlight of my weekend is going into St. Patricks church. I was walking around aimlessly just enjoying the scene, when I passed it up. I mean I wasn't looking for it (maybe it was looking for me). Coming from a small town, I really don't see big churches, businesses, and even liquor stores next to each other let alone on the same block! So I turned around and decided to go in. It was HUGE. It looked smaller from the outside! It was more like a cathedral to me. Now I've been in plenty of catholic churches(my upbringing-I guess that it explains the wild side! lol) but this was beautiful. This church had so many stained-colored glass of religious artwork, the colors really came alive. Tons of statues on each side and down the center of the church and they each had they own little section for the candle offering. My 13 yr old son was with me and he was also enamoured by it all. We stayed for a little while in the front of the pews, prayed, talked with God, and just enjoyed the silence. I love the fact that my teen-ager was more excited than I was! I always thought he had an "old soul." Don't get me wrong, he still loves what most kids his age does, video games, music, fashion, but even growing up, his tastes were a little more advanced. He would listen the classical music, Mozart, play love songs on the piano, be a horticulturist, ( green-thumb-likes to plant ) the list goes on! Right now hes obssessed with re-doing his room, painting his room faux, with a little bit of sponging, and bordering around the ceiling! I don't know of a kid that always wants to go to Home Depot and Pierre 1 Imports!
Anyhow, I enjoyed the silence and solitude around me,(sometimes you need it!) bought a glass pillar candle and lit it, said prayers as well as giving thanks for everything and everyone that has touched my life, near or far...

somewhere in time....

Last night I finally watched "Somewhere in Time" with Christopher Reeve (God rest his soul) and Jayne Seymour. Actually I did an all night movie fest with myself, three movies back-to-back! (Whew!) like I do sometimes when I get a little down. For me, it helps pass the time, and it makes me happy. Sleepless in seattle, and Serendipidy are the other ones I watched but you know, I like to watch movies over. I don't know why. Some people think it is a waste of time. but who gives a fuck? ( this entry might bore some of you, because I'm not writitng about any sexual romps at this moment, but perhaps next time!)
I really enjoyed "somewhere in time", I remember buying the vhs used copy at holllywood video about a month ago, there were tons of used movies for sale, I had picked out a few already and I remeber walking around and this one copy was just sitting there like it was calling me to purchase it! One question about the movie that struck a cord is when Mr. Reeve asks his former teacher "is time travel possible?" I've often wondered about that. Can it actually happen? I mean really? Take for instance people in comas. I often think of my brother the last 5 years of his life, in a coma. (collasped playing raquetball at age 21-never woke up) I mean, WHERE was he?? or WHEN was he?
I mean his body was there physically, but it was not him. I often thought, and even some of his friends back then asked me, "Do you think he's reliving his life?" and I said " Maybe he is."
perhaps he is just "browsing through time." who knows really anything anymore. I know I think about all of it even to this day. I think some questions aren't meant to be answered in this lifetime...
I love the part when they see each other for the first time and she asks him " is it you?" There is so much intensity in that scene! I love it! Who knows about past lives. Sometimes I have these different feelings, and random thoughts out of nowhere, that don't even pertain to my existence right now. Things that are just so mysterious to me, that I have no control of. HHHmmm...,

for you-our story

Do you wonder, my content happy man, as you lay down beside me what our day will bring? It will bring nothing but sweet ectasy. To live for the moment of pure bliss is one of many wishes granted. The feeling of your skin, lips, and breath on mine. As two bodies entwined not even noticing time had stopped for just a brief moment. The feeling of you inside me is just so overwhelming.. "Hearing your voice is the only aphrodisiac I need. knowing that you want me again, and again, and again. Hearing you speak my name. You send me tingling sensations in inapproriate places as wetness develops. Kneeling before you, I begin to indulge myself in your delicacies. Sweet decadence as it melts, dripping down my chin. I willingly submit to you, because I love the way you dominate me. You know my body like the back of your hand. Subconciously I re-create all our love scenes in my daydreams.. I love to see that face when your making me cum. My face is radiating with after glow. Your the answer to all the questions I ever had about love." When you are inside me, know that you are home, and that is all where you need to be.

Love from your biggest fan and cheerleader...

Hey handsome,

well, here it is as promised. And you know I always keep my promises! My writing is not as good as yours, but i think i'm improving. I've taken a liking to your site from day one. I just want to say thanks for having such a creative writing style. So much passion and desire I hardly see anymore. We both know there are some people that may disagree with the things we put up, but you know, we have no control over what people say or do. (and i'm always in your corner:) Because of your writing, it has inspired me to start up this blog!! For so long I have my kept inner thoughts, dreams, feelings, in the back-stage of my mind. Now I have reason to let it escape! There is to many things going on all around us not to journal it. These momentos are like love letters, you just want to read them over and over and re-create the feeling of nostalgia. This is our escape, writing. ( Well, that's if we don't have our nose in a book or something!) our comfort "safe" zone. Here is where we are happy to let our little minds wander and drift off sometimes to fantasy land. Where desires flow deep and time itself means nothing...So this is for you, and thank you for MY stories as well. Perhaps if we don't have our noses in books, they will definitely be in each others crotches :)! I sometimes say, Love can move mountains, but it is just as fragile as newly budded flowers...luv from one dreamer to another p.s. theres a few promises you and I still need to collect on..:)

Meals on wheels

well today I signed up to be a volunteer for Meals on wheels. It's a non-profit organization that delivers food trays daily to people around the community. Most of them are elderly, but there are some who are bed-ridden, without transportation, or just to ill to get around. I had volunteered before during my internship in school and I just loved it. The people were so friendly and happy to see you. Most of them are always smiling! perhaps it was the only type of communication or socialization they had with other people, and I know how important it is to be verbal. Most of us always want to be seen and heard, but when you think about it, do we really listen to one another?? I always try. When I signed up, I thought "do I really have time?" I kept pondering my thoughts away, and enventually came up to the conclusion that I will "make the time." I mean, there is still only 24 hours in the day, nothing is going to change. So i thought "why not"? I mean we use our day for all kinds of things: work, play, sleep, (who has time to sleep anymore?) We make time for cleaning, errands, getting groomed, paying bills, romance, screwing around, why not do something for society, others, or charity? well, I know I am getting back into it. I will take my sons along with me and they can contribute also. I know they will love it as well. I am constantly teaching them to be good gentlemen, abiding citizens, and opportunities to give them humbling experiences. Personally, I know this will be a good experience for me to get back to reality...

Romantic places i would love to visit someday...

• ITALY (anywhere would be beautiful. ) In Venice, I would love to take a gondola ride on a beautiful day with you. There is so much history, culture, and the people! So much zest, and they're always looking good!!!( Some of my memorable escapades were with italians-UNBELIEVABLE, and i'm still smiling!) I fell in love with Tuscany seeing it in the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane. such beautiful landscapes. I would love to Dine "al fresco (translated: "in the fresh air") in the warm weather, theres something remarkable about how good food tastes when your outdoors! Te amo...
• PARIS To me, the whole of Paris is romantic! It's known to be the most beautiful city in the world! I can just imagine! To view the River Siene, Notre Dame, and of course the Eiffel Tower. I would luv to kiss you under (or on the very top ) of the Eiffel tower. So romantic. I am sure tons of people got engaged/married around the area. Je' taime
• MAGICAL MADRID A magnificent testimony to its rich past! Madrid is one of the best cities in the world for art lovers. I would love to visit one of there famous museums, THE PRADO, and see some of the best collection of spanish art by the likes of Murillo, velasquez, and Goya. Madrid, Spain- a city that has a rhtym all its own, A pulse so vibrant and vital like the beat of flamenco music! Makes me want to get up and start latin dancing! And how about those bullfights?? There is something sexy about it. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because your trying to dominate the bull! Makes me feel like taking you to a back alley during a fight, and taking your "bull by the horns!":) aye papi.. O'le!!
• NEW YORK CITY last but certainly not the least! I think when I get off that plane I will have my knee pads on and my mattress attached to my back and say " hello handsome, mama's home!!! " lol This has got to be my all time favorite here in the U.S. I can't believe I haven't even made it out there yet. I had done Las vegas 7 times in one year, and I don't know why I didn't cut some of those Vegas trips and do NYC. I am hoping to see it this year. I think NYC is by far one of the romantic cities around. A lot of movies I love were filmed out there.. Sleepless in seattle (i have to see the top of the Empire state building) Serendipity with John Cusack just to name a few. But what I would love to see is Central park. I think it is so magical throughout the year. I mean just to see it during all four seasons has got to be amazing. I would love to take a horse-and-carriage ride with you in the park. such an epitome of romance! and then have lunch on Tavern on the Green! I hear that place is very beautiful. The Conservatory Garden, museums, art galleries during the day, and the hot spots at night!! I am so ready to get some of that "east coast swing"! :) (and I don't mean dancing!!) Until then, keep your pants on....:)

"Romance helps keeps our lives in perspective. when you make time for romance, your

saying that you choose love. Jobs, friends, material possessions may come and go, but

romance can be there for you always. It's a constant-and what matters most."

I always knew I was a city girl, I belong there. I will be visiting soon. I can't wait! I luv the city! so much cultural diversity. Perhaps I had already lived there in another life, that's why I'm so drawn to it..:)

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY/SMILE(UPDATED-NO ORDER)

(THIS IS ME IN A NUTSHELL.. MEMORY LOSS IS COMING FAST!! YIKES!!)

• smell of fresh rain
• people with positive energy
• live-music makers
• hot pizza
• sushi bars
• mint/chocalate chip ice cream
• reminiscing my youth (things were much simpler then...)
• viewing old photo albums-pictures
• Doves (are a symbol of love and fidelity)
• ballroom dancing-salsa/latin music
• playing poker (i'm all in!!)
• yelling at bad calls at sporting events, esp. baseball-boxing( that's half the fun!)
• cotton candy
• warm, fresh bread
• wine,+ coolers, Kamikaze
• watching movies
• staying in bed (reading paper with you)
• anything italian (food, music, clothes, men)
• pastels
• books, books, books! ( I love to read and be read to!)
• The city
• walks in the park, beach
• picnics (eating..luv to eat!)
• a newborns scent -baby things (I just luv em!)
• fountains-waterfalls (sounds of water running)
• kids playing in puddles (even myself)
• older people (so much wisdom-history)
• flea markets/bazzaars, shopping
• cultural events
• cleaning (yes, it's therapuetic for me!)
• great sex + nice orgasm
• THINGS I FIND SEXY:
• naked bodies
• watching a man sleep
• pillow fights
• chivalry ( is it gone? I hope not...)
• stillettos
• garter belts/g-strings/fishnet/corsets
• a mans hands
• bubble baths/showers together
• beautiful smile
• well-dressed man/woman
• a soft kiss with a little tounge
• confidence
• optimism
• victories as well as defeats
• candles-massages
• love notes/poems/letters
• a motivated person
• morning fucks
• great smelling man
• laughing ( if you can make me laugh, your in!)
• decent conversation ( sooo hard to find with people)
• a little chest hair
• kissing the neck/nibbling on earlobes
• ABOUT ME:
• honest-humble
• loyal-keep promise
• luv to travel
• not very computer literate:(
• submissive (can be dominant in the right situation)
• dreamer-deep thinker
• hopeless romantic (cry at weddings-dammit I can't help it!)
• gift-giver (luv to spoil!)
• kind soul (emotional)
• love animals
• mother-figure/luv kids
• ticklish/silly, silly, silly!
• soft-skin
• BIG Scooby-Doo and gang fan!
• Independent
• goal-oriented/ hard worker
• believe in KARMA (what comes around, goes around)
• I do not mind to spend $$ on you
• uninhibited/sexual/open-minded
• passionate/creative
• shy at first...
• luv to laugh, laugh, laugh
• spiritual ( God, #1 in my life)
• family oriented-believe in good values
• not into drama, games, flakes
• good friend/listener
• touchy/ feely
• luv books! I DO! ( did I say that already?!)
• what-you-see-is-what-you-get
• big eyes/ long legs/ nice feet!
• dependable
• always smell nice (I luv this one!)
• nice hooters :)
• AND ALWAYS STRIVING TO BE A BETTER PERSON...

A lover once said "I don't see the lifestyle as a "phase" or just some "wild occassional partying" I really believe it is a natural way to live. No drama, no games, no lying. I do believe one should have a best friend, mate, or other, and that should be with one person. The most successful marriages I know are from lifestyle couples." ( My thoughts exactly)

Today i met with some of my longtime friends for lunch. I had not seen them both together for at least 5 years. (they are twins, one moved to Hawaii to follow her heart, but unforturnately the relationship did not flourish). I have known these women since 4th grade. yes, 4th grade. we were all nine years old! So this friendship had lasted around 28 years!Through grade school, high school, college, moving to different cities, we still kept in touch.We remember birthdays, send card, gifts. Sometimes we dont talk to each other for months, but we know were thinking about each other and it is always understood. I love getting together with them, its always just picking up where we left off. we talked about the past, present, the friends we have lost along the way, and just pretty much anything in general. I sometimes wondered how is that we managed to keep our friendship alive and going all these years and knew beacause we were LOYAL. I was loyal. These days it is such a hard trait to find in people now (just like decent conversation! lol). I think people may make new aquaintences/friends, etc. but do you really keep them? We have such a vast majority on new ways to meet people now per say, online, My space, bars, libraries, sometimes its hard to tell who you want to keep in touch with! I think making connections with people are just as important. For me, I think keeping friendship alive goes both ways. Like love, it is a two-way street, not a one-way street. It is a give and take. (thats why i think they can be both unsuccessful if you don't have that.) People say " I'm too busy"! Well, you know what? We're ALL busy!" It is not easy to maintain friendships. It takes a lot of hard work and effort. "Don't people call just to say, "Hi, how are you doing?" anymore? When you think of some of the friends you have made along life's path, you wonder, " what happened?" " how come we hardly talk?" well, perhaps people change. Maybe you got all you wanted out of the friendship, and they did also. They moved. Maybe they were giving off negative energy, and you just don't need their approval anymore. Who know's??? I have this one friend, we met in 2002 at the Hard Rock hotel in Vegas, I was walking through the lobby in the casino and he approached me. I felt so lucky that of all the really hot people walking around that he wanted to talk to me! Here he was, a handsome yet soft-spoken gentlemen. Mark, a quadrapeligic from Florida. It must have been destiny for us to meet and talk. We talked about Vegas, medicine, Spinal-cord reaseach, Cristopher Reeve (they were friends) I mean, just for those 15-20 minutes to make some kind of connection with a total stranger!( I know most people wouldn't give each other the time and day to talk to a stranger if your not hot enough, let alone be a qaudrapeligic- let's be real here) As our conversation ended we promised to stay in touch and I had left my e-mail with his male nurse that always accompanies him. To this day, we keep in touch via e-mail occasionally to see how everything is going. To me, that is a treasure. When people take the time for you, I take the time for them. I think that is a part of what makes friendship special. I have to go now, I have to send out some e-mails...

Here is an e-mail someone sent me. I luv it whoever wrote it.... 1. The most destructive habit......worry 2. The greatest joy.............giving 3. The greatest loss....loss of self-respect 4. The most satisfying work...........helping others 5. The ugliest personality trait..........selfishness 6. The most endangered species.............Dedicated leaders 7. Our greatest natural resourse.........our youth 8. The greatest "shot in the arm" .......encouragement 9. The greatest problem to overcome.......................fear 10. The most effective sleeping pill......................Peace of mind(i love this one) 11. The most crippling failure................Excuses 12. The most powerful force in life...................Love 13. The most dangerous pariah...................a gossiper 14. The world most incredible computer.................the brain 15. The worst thing to be without......................hope 16. The deadliest weapon..........the tongue 17. The two most power-filled words............."I can" 18. The greatest asset............faith 19. The most worthless emotion...........self-pity 20. The most beautiful attire..............smile! 21. The most prized possesion...........Integrity 22. The most powerful channnel of communication..............prayer 23. the most contagious spirit..........enthusiasm

well what can i say? after years and years of writing in jounals, napkins, scratch paper, and just plain old thoughts, i decided to go cyber! this is just a compiliation of who i am. just another way to express myself, really. i feel that sometimes you do need a little "me" time of just solice and solitude! Here i am free to say ANYTHING on my mind, and unfortunately, sometimes in the "real world", you don't for whatever reasons. Here i am safe, my 'Comfort zone." I can tell you that the last 2 1/2 years of my life has been a different one. I can call it my 'Double life"! I am sure most people have one depending what it is that they want to keep hidden, but nevertheless it's something that we choose. I think i have seen-done more these last couple of years that most people would dream about. once i dipped my feet into the water, i knew there was no returning. I can't imagine going back into the "vanilla" world, once i got a taste of whats on the other side of the fence! Being open-minded now has really opened up my eyes as to whats out there, expanding your horizons, and knowing what your boundries of what I do and don't like. I left the typical norm of life(mostly on some weekends!) of doing what society tells us not to do or how to behave. Don't get me wrong, I am still the "good girl", nothing has changed about that, just with the "bad girl" tendencies! "so what" you say? there are alot of them. yes, thats true. but not many who have been married for 18+years! I think life is too short not to explore different things, and that is the beauty of it, to explore things together. I think we have explored and created different experiences now in our late 30's that we ever did when we were single and even in our early 20's! threesomes, foursomes, groups, etc.. i know in 30-40 years from now, i want to look back and say" yeah, I/we did that" "that was fun", i don't want to get older and find out that it was too late to do anything wild. Single, married, divorced or widowed, we can create our experiences, whatever they may be, so try and make it a good one! now, come with me as you step into my world...